Isolation in Pet Bereavement, Challenging It, & Coping With It

“We're all in this together. It's okay to be honest. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to say you're stuck, or that you're haunted or that you can't begin to let go. We can all relate to those things. Screw the stigma that says otherwise. Break the silence and break the cycle, for you are more than just your pain. You are not alone. And people need other people.”

Jamie Tworkowski

A while ago, I was emailing an incredibly supportive person with lived experience of pet bereavement (she’s actually the Author of this Guest Article: "They showed me what my purpose was" : Guest Article | Gracie's Way) and we were discussing a new, upcoming opportunity on Gracie’s Way that will be launched very soon. In the communication, we’d discussed travelling and I’d mentioned that I used to love travelling – I used to do a lot of it before the pandemic/lockdown for my blog (I’m NOT Disordered) – but when I began experiencing seizures and was eventually (fairly recently) diagnosed with Epilepsy, it really affected my confidence in travelling solo – especially far from home! I ended up explaining the rule that you have to be one year without seizures to be able to drive and she responded that she has family members with Epilepsy and knew all about it. I made the comment in response that sometimes I just forget that I’m not completely alone in it and I mentioned that this is similar to pet bereavement and that was the inspiration for this Article where I’m going to talk through why you might feel alone in your loss, how to cope with thoughts and feelings of isolation, why you should find peers with similar experiences, how to find them, advice on how to properly communicate with each other, and how to cope when hearing the potentially upsetting and triggering experiences of others…

Why You Can Feel Alone in Pet Bereavement:

In this Article, it’s important to recognise that feeling alone in your loss or being somewhat isolated through your grief, has reason behind it. There’s rationale to your decisions, your thoughts, your feelings, your opinions, and your choices. They can be understood and you should make the effort and take the time to try to understand things, if you can’t automatically or instantaneously do so because this will help to validate things and provide you with the confidence to truly allow yourself to feel this way. It might also aid you in learning or developing ways to cope better and/or to move forwards. So, this section of the Article to help you to make sense of why you might feel alone in pet bereavement…

ü  The bond with your pet was private and personal – this might be especially true for those with no other humans in the home (like me – it’s just myself and my pets) and that can often feel like they know you better than anyone and you have a relationship that’s almost indescribable and you can feel confident no one would understand or appreciate it if you tried to put it into words too!

ü  Your grief can be – of feel as though it is being – dismissed when you do share it or discuss it with someone else and this can feel like the gravity of the loss is being minimised and invalidated.

ü  There’s no clear ‘social script’ to know when or how to even ‘reach out’ with pet bereavement unlike human loss where there are numerous support groups – even for specific type of loss e.g. death by suicide or a particular illness e.g. cancer etc.

ü  You can experience guilt in pet bereavement – particularly when there’s been a discussion or use or relevance of euthanasia – and that can be isolating because you don’t want to share it at sheer fear that someone will echo it, validate it, or judge you for it and leave you feeling worse than you were when you were just trying to cope with it by yourself!

ü  The bereavement might have disrupted your routine and feelings of being grounded in having an awareness of those around you and the situations of others.

ü  Others may not want to upset you more by talking about their own lived experience of pet death or fear it might seem invalidating and competitive to start talking about their journey when they feel there should be focus on your own.

ü  Grief can narrow your perception of any kind of ‘wider picture’ in general.

ü  Professional support for animal bereavement is scarce so you may feel limited as to who you can even reach out to, if you wanted to! There’s a Help Directory on the Gracie’s Way website though; you can view it here: Help Directory | Gracie's Way

ü  The bond with the pet who has passed may have felt irreplaceable and might have left you feeling really reluctant to speak up, confide in, bond or connect with, and open up to anyone else at all.

ü  Protection strategy: sometimes, subconsciously, you can try to protect yourself in creative ways and it could be that you recognise there are others going through similar heartache and so you try to protect yourself from recognising this and opening yourself up to the reality and the fact that others are hurting in similar ways to yourself.

Why You Should Interact with Others:

When I first started to write this Article, I actually didn’t have this section at all – it went from talking about why you can feel alone to how to connect with others! And it was only in re-reading it that I spotted this opportunity to have shed light on benefits you might experience by interacting with others…

ü  You don’t have to explain why it hurts so much
Shared experience removes the need to justify the depth of the bond or the grief.

ü  Your grief feels validated, not minimized
Being understood by someone who “gets it” counters the loneliness of disenfranchised grief.

ü  There’s relief in shared language
Words like guilt, emptiness, or “quiet” are different when someone knows them immediately.

ü  You can express complicated emotions safely
Anger, relief, doubt, or regret feel less shameful when mirrored by another’s honesty.

ü  It normalizes the unpredictability of grief
Seeing someone have good days and bad days helps make emotion swings less alarming.

ü  You can gain perspective without pressure
Others’ experiences can offer gentle reassurance—without forcing timelines or solutions.

ü  It reduces isolation through recognition
Even brief moments of connection can counter the feeling of being alone in the world.

ü  It restores trust in connection
Grief can make reaching out feel risky; safe encounters rebuild confidence in being seen.

How Can You Find Other Bereaved Owners?

In all honesty, until I started Gracie’s Way and began using the most common/popular hashtags for pet bereavement content; I was very much in the dark in terms of the amount of accounts and content on social media – Instagram in particular, obviously – about this topic. So, I knew just from personal experience that hashtags were one really brilliant method of finding other bereaved owners…

ü  Follow and explore pet-loss hashtags on social media
These often lead to personal stories, memorial posts, and comment sections full of empathy: #PetLoss, #PetBereavement, #GrievingMyPet, #RainbowBridge, #PetGrief, #LossOfAPet, #ForeverInMyHeart

ü  Join pet-loss–specific support groups online
Platforms like Facebook and Reddit host moderated communities where people share openly. Searching “pet loss support” or “pet grief” usually turns up active, compassionate groups though it might be a case of exploring a bit.

ü  Read and comment on pet memorial posts
Engaging with others’ remembrance posts – whether on Instagram, TikTok, or blogs – often leads to quiet, meaningful connections through replies and DMs.

ü  Ask a veterinarian or animal hospital about grief resources
Clinics should keep lists of local or virtual support groups, hotlines, or counsellors who specialize in pet loss – and may connect you with others.

ü  Follow pet-loss advocates, counsellors, or memorial accounts on social media
These accounts often reshare community stories, highlight others’ experiences, and create a sense of shared language around grief.

ü  Explore books or podcasts on pet bereavement and their communities
Authors and hosts often maintain comment sections, social pages, or newsletters where listeners/readers connect with one another.

ü  Volunteer or stay connected with an animal organization
Being around others who love animals deeply—and who often have their own grief stories—can lead to natural, unforced understanding.

ü  Share a small piece of your story publicly (when ready)
Even a brief post – “Missing my cat today” – can act like a signal flare. People who’ve been through it often recognize it immediately and respond with care. Gracie’s Way is always looking to publish Guest Articles by both bereaved owners and professionals too – if you’re interested in sharing your story, please contact Aimee Wilson – Project Lead on gracieswayuk@outlook.com

Communication Advice:

Just because you have similar life experiences, this does not mean everyone will be skilled or even instinctively talented at communicating with each other effectively and efficiently. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t upset each other by saying or doing the wrong thing. It doesn’t mean you will automatically be able to understand or appreciate when you’ve stepped too far in asking questions or when the wrong thing has ‘slipped’ out as a somewhat, automatic response that was filled with the best intentions e.g. “you’ll feel better soon” or “you did nothing wrong” (when you don’t even know what they did or didn’t do!). So, guidance and advice on communicating with each other, could be just as essential and useful as if you had absolutely nothing in common at all…

ü  Lead with listening, not fixing
You don’t need advice or silver linings. Presence and attention are often the most meaningful gifts.

ü  Let the pet’s name be spoken
Saying their name acknowledges that the bond – and the loss – was real.

ü  Share from your own experience, not comparison
Use “for me…” rather than weighing whose grief is heavier or more recent.

ü  Allow silence without rushing it
Pauses, tears, or unfinished sentences are part of the language of grief.

ü  Avoid timelines for healing
Phrases like “you’ll feel better soon” can shut down honesty. Grief moves at its own pace.

ü  Ask open, gentle questions
“What were they like?” or “what do you miss most today?”

ü  Respect differences in grief expression
Some people talk; others go quiet. Neither is wrong, even if it’s different from your own style.

ü  Be mindful with spiritual or symbolic language
Ideas like the Rainbow Bridge can comfort some and alienate others—follow their lead.

ü  Acknowledge complicated emotions
Guilt, relief, anger, and numbness often coexist. Naming this can reduce shame and isolation.

ü  Share memories, not just loss
Laughter and warmth can coexist with sorrow and often deepen connection.

ü  Set boundaries kindly
It’s okay to say, “I don’t have the energy to talk about those things today.”

ü  Avoid minimizing language—even accidentally
Skip phrases like “at least they lived a long life…” – unless the other person uses them first!

ü  Remember that triggers are unpredictable
Anniversaries, sounds, routines, or photos can reopen grief without warning.

Coping with Triggering Stories/Experiences:

Whilst an important message from this Article is about how helpful it can be to have people in your life who have a similar experience – such as, in this instance, pet bereavement – it’s important to recognise that doing this isn’t necessarily easy or immediately and instinctively beneficial. There are areas that could be difficult and challenging, so this Article is also the perfect opportunity to raise awareness or instil knowledge in ways to cope with those upsetting or triggering aspects of communicating people with similarly difficult experiences and who may be peers in the saddest and most difficult of ways…

ü  Remind yourself that resonance doesn’t = comparison
Someone else’s story touching yours doesn’t mean the losses are interchangeable—or that one carries more weight.

ü  Give yourself permission to step back
It’s okay to mute, scroll past, or leave a conversation without explanation.

ü  Release the pressure to respond perfectly
A simple “thank you for sharing” or even silence is enough. You don’t owe emotional labour.

ü  Expect emotional whiplash
Hearing others can bring comfort one moment and pain the next. Both reactions can coexist.

ü  Translate triggers into information
If something hits hard, it’s not failure – it’s clarification about what still needs attention.

ü  Limit exposure on hard days
Some days are for connection; others are for quiet. Adjust without guilt.

ü  Practice gentle self-talk afterward
After heavy conversations, check in with yourself the way you would with a friend.

ü  Remember why you’re listening at all
Often it’s because you want to feel less alone. Even when it hurts, that intention matters.