.png)
Rory was (I hate writing about him in past tense) a little white and sandy coloured Shih Tzu, who brought joy to all our lives.
I wasn’t supposed to have Rory, it was obviously just meant to be. My sister and friend were buying a puppy and I went with them. When the gate flew open, the puppies all came bounding in to the room. But at the very back was the runt of the litter, who tripped, did a roll and splatted on the floor. From that moment I knew I had to have him. Someone had already claimed him, but lucky for me they didn’t show up to collect him and the rest as they say is history...
He was my best friend, my comfort, he stole my heart. At the beginning it was just me and Rory and then I met John. From the moment they met, John and Rory were inseparable. Then 5 years later, Rory became a big brother to twin girls who he adored, and they adored him too.
He seemed to have a way of getting attention from everyone who made contact with him, even those that claimed not to like dogs. We often got comments about how he wasn’t your ‘normal’ dog, and I have to agree.
Rory thought he was human. He was so laid back and trusting, he always knew that we were there to catch him if he was falling, carry him if a place was busy and cuddle him if he was cold. He came everywhere with us, and even had a passport which meant he got to travel around Spain, France and Switzerland, as well as the UK in our campervan.
We often laugh that there wasn’t a place that he wouldn’t be with us. If dogs weren’t allowed, no problem we would hide him under the pram!!
In November 2025 our lives changed and I haven’t felt the same since. Rory was 10 years old, which to some may seem old, but to me it was too young for him to leave me.
It was sudden, one minute we were having cuddles, and only hours later he was gone, due to a large tumour on his liver, which we knew nothing about.
I won’t go into detail around his final hours, as this is something I am trying my very best to block out… The guilt is just too hard to deal with, even though I know we did everything we could for him… The what ifs!! Instead, I am trying to replace these constant thoughts when I lie in bed at night with happier times. I can’t let the last few hours of his life take over my memories of the past 10 years (please note, that this isn’t an easy thing to do).
I can honestly say, I have never felt pain like this before. Not only emotional, but a physical pain in my heart. It’s been 2 months now and I can still feel it.
I did not cope well at all with losing Rory. The only way I could describe myself was I felt broken. One night I was reading a Christmas story to my children and crying as I read because Rory was gone. At that point I knew I needed help. One of my children described our house as a ‘sad house’, which broke me more. So, the next day I contacted my doctors and asked for help. I was started on medication for my Depression, started CBT and had to take time off work. I honestly couldn’t function.
To some this may seem very extreme, and I get it. I was constantly comparing myself to those that had lost family members and telling myself to pull myself together, but after a while I stopped comparing. Rory was my life. He went everywhere with me. I worked from home with him and our lives revolved around him. I was allowed to be this sad, even if others did not understand.
We have pictures everywhere of Rory because he was one of us, so not only is there emptiness in the house, but there are also reminders on every wall. Sometimes these bring comfort, and sometimes they bring grief.
We’ve got a shelf with Rory’s ashes and framed pictures our twins drew for him. I find comfort in talking to him all the time and about him to anyone that will listen (if I’m not feeling tearful). The girls have memory boxes and sleep with a teddy with his picture on it. I also find comfort in wearing his name on my necklace and sleeping with his blanket, as well as looking to the stars.
At the beginning we spoke about putting Rory’s ashes in a plant pot so we could go in the garden and sit with him (he loved sitting out in the sun). John even got an artist to put the girls’ drawings of Rory onto the pot, along with Rory’s paw prints and a star (the pot is beautiful). But when it arrived, I just couldn’t put his ashes outside in the cold where I couldn’t see them…He remains inside with us.
If anyone reading this feels the guilt, the sadness, the shock and the anger, you are not alone. However, you deal with the loss of your special fur baby, please never feel guilty for grieving. Not everyone will understand, but your feeling is valid. Seek support if you need it. Join Facebook pages with like-minded people (this really helped me) and be kind to yourself.
My love for Rory never fades, I just need to learn that it is now just stored in my heart.
I miss
you Rory boy xxx
