The question “will it ever get better?” is such a common ask amongst bereaved pet owners after their loss and Gracie’s Way wanted to provide some sort of helpful and motivational, honest answer for it. I recognise that unanswered questions – particularly around grief and specifically regarding pet bereavement – can be really incredibly challenging to live with or to be able to still move forwards. So, here’s Gracie’s Way’s version of an honest but hopefully reassuring and comforting answer to this question…
Firstly,
a look into the widely recognised Theory which really provides some sort of
idea to a structure in pet loss; the Five Stages of Grief. This Theory was created
or founded by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in around 1969, however in her book released
that year, she actually also mentioned additional stages which included: shock,
anticipatory grief, hope, decathexis, anxiety, and numbness. Kubler-Ross established
these Stages – with the acknowledgement that they are not universal or linear)
as a framework to understanding your response to your loss by explaining the
common emotional patterns experienced during grief.
In
recognition of my agreement that there’s a relevance of the Five Stages to pet
grief, the Gracie’s Way’s Understanding Your Grief resource for bereaved owners
– which you can read more about here: Supportive
Materials | Gracie's Way – includes a few pages on the Five Stages of Grief.
Then, in the Pet Grief Information Pack from the resources for Professionals –
which again, you can read more about here: Helpful
Resources | Gracie's Way – I’ve gone into a lot more detail. I decided to do
this, because despite the widely accepted opinion (which I’m in complete agreement
with) that these Stages are pretty much all experienced by someone going
through grief, they don’t necessarily happen with any sense of order or structure.
They don’t happen one after the other; you can have more than one occurs at the
same time, you can have one then go into another but then go back to that first
one, or experience one for months but another could only be prominent for a
day!
In
the bereaved owner’s resource (Understanding Your Grief), the two pages
regarding the Five Stages are titled: ‘What Are The Five Stages of Grief?’ and ‘What
Do The Stages Mean for Pet Grief?’ I felt that these were two very basic, but fundamental,
questions to come from a discussion regarding any sort of recovery or healing process
within pet bereavement. This opinion means that they’re also relevant to this
article, so; here are the answers (which I’ve made more in-depth than the
resource so that there’s still motivation to request Understanding Your Grief
because the answers in there, are a lot different to those in this article) –
starting with the question: ‘what are the five stages of grief?’
Denial
Denial is often the first reaction to loss, serving as a psychological buffer
against overwhelming pain. In this stage, individuals may struggle to accept
the reality of the situation, thinking, “This can’t be happening.” Denial does
not mean a person is lying to themselves intentionally; rather, it is the
mind’s way of processing shock in manageable pieces. By temporarily blocking
out the full weight of loss, denial allows emotional survival during the
initial impact. As time passes, the protective numbness begins to fade, making
room for deeper emotions to emerge gradually.
Anger
As denial weakens, anger often surfaces. This stage can involve frustration,
resentment, and feelings of injustice directed at oneself, others, medical
professionals, a higher power, or even the person who has been lost. Anger
gives grief structure, transforming helplessness into something that feels more
controllable. While it can be uncomfortable or socially discouraged, anger is a
natural and necessary part of grieving. Expressing it safely helps prevent
emotional suppression and allows individuals to move forward in their healing
process with greater honesty.
Bargaining
Bargaining is characterized by “if only” or “what if” thoughts. People may
dwell on ways the loss could have been prevented, replaying events and
imagining alternate outcomes. This stage often involves attempts to regain
control, sometimes through promises to change behavior or appeals to a higher
power. Bargaining reflects a deep desire to undo the pain and restore what was
lost. Although these thoughts cannot change reality, they reveal how strongly a
person wishes for relief and meaning amid emotional turmoil.
Depression
Depression emerges when the permanence of the loss becomes clearer. Unlike
clinical depression, this stage is a natural response to grief and includes
sadness, fatigue, withdrawal, and deep reflection. Individuals may feel
overwhelmed by emptiness or loneliness as they confront life without what they
have lost. This stage is not a sign of weakness but of emotional processing.
Allowing oneself to feel sadness, rather than rushing to escape it, is
essential for healing and acknowledging the depth of the loss.
Acceptance
Acceptance does not mean happiness or forgetting the loss. Instead, it
represents coming to terms with reality and learning how to live with it. In
this stage, individuals begin to find stability, reorganize their lives, and
move forward with a renewed sense of purpose. The pain may still exist, but it
becomes more manageable. Acceptance allows space for hope, new relationships,
and personal growth, honouring the loss while continuing life in a meaningful
and realistic way.
The
five stages of grief are highly relevant to pet bereavement because the
emotional bond between humans and animals can be as deep and meaningful as any
human relationship. Although society sometimes minimizes pet loss, the grief
experienced is real, complex, and valid. The five-stage model helps explain and
normalize these emotions during the loss of a companion animal.
Denial often appears immediately after
the death of a pet. Owners may expect to hear their pet’s footsteps, reach for
a leash, or momentarily forget the loss. This reaction reflects shock rather
than indifference. Pets are woven into daily routines, so their absence can
feel unreal at first. Denial provides emotional protection, allowing the owner
to absorb the loss gradually instead of all at once.
Anger is also common in pet
bereavement and may be directed at veterinarians, family members, oneself, or
even the pet. Owners may feel guilt over decisions such as euthanasia or regret
not noticing symptoms sooner. Anger can also arise from the perceived unfairness
of a pet’s shorter lifespan. This stage helps externalize pain and gives form
to feelings that might otherwise remain overwhelming or confusing.
Bargaining frequently involves replaying
moments and imagining different outcomes. Pet owners may think, “If only I had
taken them to the vet earlier,” or “What if I had chosen a different
treatment?” This stage reflects a desire to regain control and undo the loss.
While these thoughts can be painful, they are a natural response to love and
responsibility felt toward a pet who depended on them.
Depression in pet bereavement can be
profound, especially because pets often provide unconditional companionship,
routine, and emotional support. Owners may feel loneliness, emptiness, or a
loss of purpose, particularly if the pet played a central role in daily life.
This stage is not something to rush through. Feeling deep sadness honours the
bond shared and acknowledges how significant the relationship truly was.
Acceptance does not mean replacing the pet
or “getting over it.” Instead, it involves learning how to live with the loss
while cherishing memories. Owners may begin to talk about their pet with warmth
rather than acute pain, create rituals of remembrance, or eventually open their
hearts to another animal. Acceptance allows grief to coexist with gratitude for
the time shared.
Overall,
the five stages help validate pet bereavement as a genuine grieving process.
They remind pet owners that their emotions—however intense or contradictory—are
normal responses to loss. By understanding these stages, individuals can be
more compassionate with themselves and others, recognizing that love for a pet
does not end with death, but continues through remembrance and healing.
Finally,
here are five practical coping tips for each of the five stages of grief,
specifically applied to pet bereavement. These tips are gentle, realistic, and
acknowledge how deeply meaningful the human–animal bond can be.
1
Denial
– Coping With Shock and Disbelief
Allow
yourself time to absorb the loss. It is normal to momentarily expect your pet
to be there or to feel emotionally numb. Avoid pressuring yourself to “move on”
too quickly. Grounding practices—such as holding your pet’s collar, looking at
photos, or saying their name out loud—can gently help your mind accept the
reality of the loss without overwhelming you.
2
Anger
– Managing Guilt, Blame, and Frustration
Acknowledge
anger without judgment. Feelings of blame toward yourself, a veterinarian, or
circumstances are common, especially around end-of-life decisions. Writing
these thoughts in a journal or expressing them privately can release tension
safely. Remind yourself that decisions were made out of love and with the best
information you had at the time.
3
Bargaining
– Letting Go of “If Only” Thoughts
When
replaying events, gently redirect your focus from what you wish you had changed
to what you gave your pet. Create a list of ways you cared for them—comfort,
safety, affection, and companionship. This helps shift attention from imagined
control to real love, reinforcing that your relationship was defined by
presence, not perfection.
4
Depression
– Sitting With Deep Sadness
Give
yourself permission to grieve fully. Crying, withdrawing for a short time, or
feeling unmotivated are natural responses to losing a beloved pet. Maintain
basic self-care routines such as eating regularly, sleeping, and taking short
walks. If your pet structured your day, replace that routine with something
nurturing to prevent emotional isolation.
5
Acceptance
– Honouring the Bond While Moving Forward
Acceptance
grows slowly and does not mean forgetting your pet. Create a memorial
ritual—plant a tree, frame a photo, or donate in their name. Talk about your
pet openly and share memories. When ready, consider how the love you shared can
continue shaping your life, whether through helping other animals or opening
your heart again.
These
coping strategies emphasize self-compassion, reminding you that grief for a pet
is valid and deeply human. Healing does not erase love—it allows it to take a
new, enduring form.
