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When someone comes to a professional, whether that’s a GP, a therapist, or a support worker, and they are struggling with sleep, anxiety, or a dip in their mood, we often look for the "big" changes in life. We ask about work, relationships, or family. But professionals may be missing a massive factor: the death of a pet. For many people, especially those already struggling with their mental health, a pet isn't "just a dog" or "just a rabbit." They are a lifeline and their whole world.
Hidden Grief
A lot of people feel embarrassed to admit how much they are hurting. They think it’s silly to be this heartbroken over an animal. Because of that, they might see a professional for depression, anxiety, or sleep issues without ever mentioning the loss. If you’re a professional supporting someone, they might be sitting in front of you grieving their soulmate animal, but they’re waiting for you to ask the right questions to give them permission to talk about it.
The Waiting (Anticipatory Grief)
Sometimes the mental health impact starts long before the pet actually passes away. When a pet gets a terminal diagnosis or is just getting very old, the owner starts grieving immediately. This anticipatory grief is exhausting. It means living in a constant state of high alert, watching every breath, checking if they are eating, and dreading every vet appointment. For someone already living with mental health challenges, this can lead to total burnout and a response where they can't focus on anything else.
Traumatic Loss
When a pet dies suddenly or in a scary way, it is more than just sadness. It is a traumatic loss that shocks the whole system. This kind of shock can cause flashbacks or a constant feeling of being on edge. For someone who does not usually have mental health challenges, a trauma like this can be the thing that triggers their first experience with clinical anxiety or depression because it makes the world feel like an unsafe place. For someone already living with a mental health condition, it is even harder. Their emotional energy is already being used up just to get through the day, so a sudden or violent loss can feel like it has blown a fuse. It can make old symptoms they had under control come back much worse and can lead to a total breakdown of the ways they usually cope.
Why is the impact of pet loss so hard?
For someone struggling with anxiety or PTSD, a pet is often their anchor. They are the reason that person feels safe enough to sleep at night or brave enough to leave the house. When that pet dies, the impact is often huge. The routine vanishes, meaning no more walks or feeding times. For someone with depression, that routine might have been the only thing keeping them going. The safety net also breaks. Without their companion, a person’s world can suddenly feel very scary, lonely, and empty. Past pain can also come back, as a pet's death can often unlock old grief or trauma from years ago, making current mental health issues feel more intense.
What can you do to help?
We don’t need to be experts to help. We just need to acknowledge that this loss is real and it’s deep. If you notice a client or a colleague is struggling, ask them: "I've noticed you're not yourself, has there been a change at home lately, or maybe a loss or illness with a pet?" Opening that door can be the biggest relief for someone who feels they have to hide their emotions or that pet loss is not a valid reason for them to be struggling.
There are various techniques that people experiencing pet loss can be shown, or learn themselves, which can help reduce anxiety, improve sleep and reduce panic when things become overwhelming. These include meditation, mindfulness, breathwork techniques such as box breathing and self-hypnosis techniques aimed at visualizing a positive experience.
Gracie’s Way understands that the bond between us and our pet is huge, so the grief is huge too. They have resources for both bereaved owners and professionals to help support people through loss. You don't have to have all the answers; you just have to show them that their pain matters.
Grief Triggers & How to Manage Unexpected Waves of Emotion
Losing a pet isn't a neat or tidy process. One minute you’re getting through the day, and the next, a "grief trigger" hits you out of nowhere. It might be seeing a stray tennis ball under the sofa, an anniversary, finding some fur in the corner of the room, or hearing a jingle that sounds just like their collar. Suddenly that wave of emotion just takes over. It’s exhausting, and it can make you feel like you’re right back at the start of it all.
Triggers like a specific scent or the jingle of a collar hit hard because they bypass the "thinking" part of your brain entirely. These sensory bits of info take a shortcut straight to your emotional center, the amygdala. It’s why you can feel yourself tearing up before you’ve even realized what you’re looking at; your brain is just reacting to a deep memory faster than you can process it.
There are the "big" triggers, like anniversaries and birthdays. These dates can feel very heavy because your mind is already bracing itself for the memory of that loss. Acknowledging that these dates are going to be tough is half the battle; it gives you permission to slow down and use your tools before the day even arrives.
It's easy to feel like you are failing or going backwards when a wave of grief hits months or even years later. But these surges aren't a sign that you aren't coping; they are just a natural reflection of how much you care. Think of it as a tribute to the bond you had. The fact that you still react so strongly just shows how much your pet meant to you and still does. You are just experiencing the sheer scale of the love you still carry for them.
As an ambassador for Gracie’s Way, I wanted to talk about some ideas to handle those moments. By using things like breathwork, mindfulness, and even self-hypnosis, you can find ways to steady yourself, so those waves don't feel quite so overwhelming.
Box Breathing:
To do box breathing, you just breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four, breathe out for four, and hold again for four. It is a bit like drawing a square in your mind to steady your heart when a wave of grief starts to feel overwhelming.
This works because it gently stimulates your vagus nerve, which is like a natural off switch for your body's stress response. By slowing your breath this way, you are sending a physical signal to your brain that you are safe, helping to lower your heart rate and quieten that shaky, panicked feeling.
The Long Exhale:
Long exhale is a really simple but effective way to calm your nervous system when you feel overwhelmed. All you do is make your outbreath significantly longer than your in-breath, perhaps breathing in for three seconds and out for six.
This works because a long, steady exhale brings down a rapid heart rate. It tells your brain to move out of that high alert state and brings you back to a place where the emotion feels a bit more manageable.
Mindful Observation:
This is really about changing how you react when the grief starts to tighten in your chest. Instead of trying to push the feeling away or panic because it’s there, you just allow them to happen. You can say to yourself, "I’m feeling a big wave of sadness right now," and just let it be there without trying to fix it or stop it.
By acknowledging your feelings, you take the power away from the panic. Eventually, the waves of unexpected emotion will naturally lose strength and pass through you, leaving you feeling a bit steadier. If it helps you can use the breathing techniques while you notice the feelings.
Self-Hypnosis:
Self-hypnosis is really just a way to quieten the noise and create a mental sanctuary where you can go when things feel too loud. You close your eyes and build a detailed picture of a place where you and your pet were at your happiest, like a sunlit garden or a favourite woodland path.
By focusing on the sounds, smells, and feelings of that place, you are training your brain to switch from the sharp pain of the loss to the warmth of the connection you shared. It gives you a safe, internal space to sit with those happy memories whenever a trigger starts to feel a bit much.
How to Do It:
Find a quiet spot where you won’t be interrupted and just let your eyes close. Take a long, slow breath in, and as you exhale, feel your shoulders drop and your body start to settle into the chair.
Now, imagine you are standing at the edge of a place where you always felt completely at peace with your pet. It might be a sunny garden, a favourite woodland path, or just a quiet corner of your home. See the colours clearly, hear the birds or the wind in the trees, and feel the gentle warmth of the sun on your skin. In this space, there is no noise and no rush; there is only the quiet, steady comfort of the bond you shared.
Take a moment to just sit in that stillness, picturing your pet exactly as they were in their happiest moments. Feel that warmth in your chest, knowing this space is always here for you whenever the world feels a bit too loud. When you are ready, take one more deep, grounding breath, and slowly bring your awareness back to the room, opening your eyes whenever you feel steady.
How It Helps:
● What it actually is: It isn't about losing control; it’s just a way to deeply relax your mind so it’s more open to calm, helpful thoughts.
● Creating a "Safe Place": Closing your eyes and picturing a favourite spot to visit mentally when a trigger is too much.
● The physical "anchor": Linking a calm feeling to a simple action, like touching your wrist, or repeating a specific word, so you can "tap into" that peace when you need it.
● Shifting the focus: Using simple mental images to gently steer your brain away from a painful memory and back to a happy one.
● Practicing early: Doing this for just five minutes when you are already calm, so the "muscle memory" is there when a wave of emotion hits.
Healing isn't about forgetting or moving on; it is about finding ways to carry that love without it feeling so overwhelming. By using these tools, you aren't masking pain, but you are giving yourself the breathing space to remember the joy your pet brought into your life. You are walking this path together with many others who experience these waves. If a wave of emotion catches you off guard, just know that it’s okay to pause, take a breath, and be kind to yourself. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
To read more about the Gracie's Way Ambassadorship Programme: Ambassadorship Programme | Gracie's Way
To read more about Emma and to 'meet' the Bereavement Ambassador: Meet the Ambassadors | Gracie's Way
If you'd like to become an Ambassador, please contact Project Lead; Aimee Wilson by email: gracieswayuk@outlook.com or send a DM on Instagram: @gracieswayuk
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