What Helped Other People After Pet Loss? | By Professional Ambassador, Emma Yoxall

 

When a pet dies, people tell me they hear the same well-meaning comments: “They had a good life”, “It was for the best”, “You can always get another one.”

But anyone who has loved an animal knows that losing them is not a small thing. It is devastating, all consuming, and incredibly lonely.

I recently spent time reading through posts and messages on a few pet loss forums, from people who had lost their pets. I noticed the same things coming up again and again. So I wanted to share some of the things that real pet owners said actually helped them through their grief...

Having Somewhere to Talk Where People Truly Understand

One of the most common things people said helped was simply having somewhere to talk where they didn’t feel silly, dramatic, or dismissed. A place where they could write whatever was in their head, ask questions and know that the readers understood their pain.

Friends and family are often kind, but they don’t always understand the depth of the bond. Many people said they found comfort in:

●        Pet loss support groups in person or online

●        Online forums such as Reddit or Facebook groups

●        Support lines such as the Blue Cross or Paws to Listen

●        1-to-1 Pet Loss Therapy

●        Talking to other people who had also lost a pet

●        Engaging on social media pages like Gracie’s Way Instagram page

 Just being able to say “I’m not coping today” to someone who understands can make a huge difference.

Writing Things Down

A lot of people said writing helped when their thoughts were going round and round in their head, especially guilt and “what if” thoughts.

People wrote:

●        In their journals, getting the thoughts in their head down on paper

●        Letters to their pet

●        Apology letters to their pet

●        Thank you, gratitude, letters to their pet

●        Memories and stories about the life of their pet

●        What happened in their pet’s final days

Writing can be a way of saying all the things you didn’t get to say or wish you had said differently.

Keeping the Bond and Connection, Not “Moving On”

Most people said they didn’t want to “move on” from their pet. What they actually wanted was to stay connected to them in some way.

Some of the ways people did this were:

●        Talking to their pet out loud

●        Looking at photos and sharing memories

●        Creating a memorial or special place to remember their pet

●        Lighting a candle

●        Keeping a collar, toy, or blanket

●        Doing something in their pet’s memory

●        Some people found comfort in the idea that they might see them again one day

This isn’t about not accepting the loss. It’s about recognising that love doesn’t just disappear because someone is gone.

Letting Themselves Grieve Properly

This came up again and again: people said they had to let themselves cry. It was important to experience all the different emotions that were coming up.

Not trying to be strong.
Not trying to rush through it.
Not trying to “get over it”.

Just crying when they needed to cry. Talking when they needed to talk. Being sad when they were sad. Grief is not something to fix. It’s something to move through.

Some people even said they still reach out and touch the place where their pet used to sit, or make the motion of stroking them. And that brought comfort rather than pain.

Understanding That Guilt Is Very Common

So many people talked about guilt:
About decisions they made.
About not noticing something sooner.
About the last day.
About what they did or didn’t do.

Many people said that over time they came to realise they made the best decisions they could with the information they had at the time, even if their heart still questioned it.

One person wrote something that really stayed with me:
“There is a difference between regret and guilt. Regret comes from love. Guilt comes from intent. And you never meant harm.”

Realising the Love Was Worth the Grief

This idea came up in many different ways, and it’s a powerful one:

You wouldn’t trade the love to avoid the grief.
You wouldn’t erase the happiness to escape the pain.
How lucky we are to have such a bond with our pet that makes saying goodbye so hard.

For many people, their grief eventually became something that represented love, not just loss.

In Time, Helping Another Animal Can Help You

Not for everyone and not straight away (though for some people it can be), and not as a replacement. But some people said that eventually, giving another animal a home helped them heal. Not because the new animal replaced the one they lost, but because all the love they still had needed somewhere to go.

Many people said they felt like their pet would have wanted that.

A Final Thought

If you are grieving a pet right now, there is nothing strange or “not normal” about how much this hurts.

This was not “just a pet”. This was your companion, your soul mate, your routine, your comfort, your little presence in your everyday life.

You’ve probably heard this before “Grief is the price we pay for love”.

And by that measure, pet owners are some of the luckiest, and the unluckiest, people in the world.

And if you are going through this right now, please know, you are not alone, and there are people who understand. Gracie's Way, understands.