“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
Anais Nin
I’m overjoyed to finally be able to share this post (and video on the Gracie's Way Instagram: @GraciesWayUK) with you all of my newest, personalised Papier notebook (you can purchase the exact same on: https://www.papier.com/enchanted-56264). Notebooks have always been important to me, but I think they’re even more useful since creating Gracie’s Way because I’m currently creating content for both the project’s website and Instagram as well as for my own social media and my mental health blog. And I fully believe that organisation is key to minimising any experience of stress or confusion or just having the thought that you’ve taken on too much at once. So, to publicise the amazing quality Papier products, I thought I’d put together this article on ways to use a notebook alongside every single resource (for both bereaved owners and professionals), just click on the subheading to read more and find out how to order your free PDF copy…
The Creative Writing Workbook gives you exercises to begin with, but your notebook can give those exercises somewhere to continue. Rather than thinking of each activity as something you complete once and then leave behind, use your notebook to record what the exercise brought up for you, return to it later, or follow any new thoughts and memories that appeared while you were writing.
For example, after completing the Unspoken Moments exercise, you could keep a page for things you suddenly remember you wish you had said. After creating your Memory Landscape, you could return to your notebook weeks later and describe whether that landscape now looks or feels different. Your Emotional Weather Reports could become a regular feature, helping you notice how the weather of your grief changes from one day to another.
You could also use your notebook to create a simple three-part reflection around any of the workbook exercises:
Before: How am I feeling as I begin this exercise, and is there anything I need to feel safe and supported while doing it?
During: What words, memories, feelings or ideas are appearing that I might want to explore further?
After: How do I feel now, what stood out to me, and is there anything I want to return to another day?
Your notebook does not have to become a record of beautifully finished creative writing. It can hold unfinished sentences, extra memories, alternative versions, single words, sketches, questions and thoughts that do not quite make sense yet. The workbook itself emphasises writing without expectation, allowing symbolism and imagination, revisiting writing over time, and giving yourself permission to stop and return later — so your notebook can become the place where that ongoing relationship with your writing lives.
A Notebook Idea: Create a ‘Continue This Later’ Page
Whenever an exercise brings up something you do not feel ready to explore, write just enough to help you find your way back to it:
“Something this exercise made me think about was…”
Then stop.
You do not have to explore every feeling the moment it appears. A notebook can hold the thought safely until — or unless — you want to return to it.
The Pet Bereavement Coping Guide introduces you to different ways of understanding and coping with grief — but not every part of it will feel equally relevant to you at the same time. Your notebook can help you turn the information in the guide into something more personal by recording what you recognise in yourself, what you want to try and what genuinely helps.
As you work through the guide, you might come across a description of denial, anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance and think, “This is exactly how I feel.” Write it down. You might read a coping suggestion and want to try it later. Add it to a page. You might discover that one of the DBT skills helps you through a particularly difficult moment. Record what you did and why you think it helped.
The guide itself includes activities such as writing about your experience, writing a letter to your pet and identifying routines that have been disrupted by your loss. Your notebook can give these activities somewhere to continue beyond the pages of the resource. For example, the guide asks you to identify disrupted routines and consider how you could bring them back into your life; your notebook could then become somewhere to keep track of the small steps you take and notice which changes make daily life feel a little more manageable.
You could create a page for each part of the guide using prompts such as:
What do I recognise? Which thoughts, emotions, behaviours or experiences described here feel familiar to me?
What do I want to try? Is there a coping strategy, activity or DBT skill I would like to experiment with?
What happened when I tried it? Did it help, make no difference, feel too difficult or need adapting?
What do I want to remember? Is there a sentence, idea or reassurance from this section that I might need again?
Over time, your notebook could become much more than a record of what you have read. It could become your own personalised guide to coping: a place containing the skills that work for you, reminders for the moments when grief feels overwhelming, evidence of things you have already survived and ideas you can return to when you do not know what you need.
A Notebook Idea: Create a ‘What Helps Me’ Index
Leave a couple of pages near the beginning or end of your notebook for a personal coping index. Whenever you discover something in the guide — or through your own experience — that helps, add it to the list.
You might divide the page into sections such as:
When I feel overwhelmed…
When I feel angry…
When I cannot stop thinking ‘what if?’…
When I miss our routines…
When I need to feel close to them…
When I need help from someone else…
Next to each one, write the notebook page number where you have recorded a helpful exercise, thought, DBT skill, coping strategy or reminder. This means that on the days when thinking clearly feels difficult, you do not have to search through the entire guide or notebook to work out what might help.
When we think about remembering a pet, our minds often go first to the big moments: the day we brought them home, birthdays, holidays, adventures and the last days of their life. But sometimes, it is the smallest details that can feel the most precious.
The way they slept. The sound they made when they wanted something. The strange little thing they always did. Their favourite place to sit. The nickname that nobody else knew about. The routine you shared without ever really thinking about it.
The Remembrance Exercises resource explains that remembrance is about carrying love, meaning and connection beyond physical presence. Its exercises include creating a memory journal, personal memorial, letters to your pet, a memory box and tribute artwork — all different ways of preserving your pet’s place in your life. Your notebook can support all of these by becoming somewhere to capture the memories that might otherwise appear unexpectedly and then disappear again.
You do not need to sit down and remember everything at once. In fact, memories often return in fragments. You might suddenly remember something while making dinner, hear a sound that reminds you of them, find an old photograph or think of a moment you had not remembered for years. When that happens, write it down.
You could record things such as:
their funniest habit or strangest little quirk
the different nicknames you had for them
where they liked to sleep
the things that made them excited
the things they definitely did not like
the sounds they made and what each one meant
the routines that belonged only to the two of you
something they did that always made you laugh
the way they comforted you
a completely ordinary moment you never want to forget
These notes do not need to become long journal entries. A sentence, a few words or even a quick list can be enough. The aim is not to create a perfect record of your pet’s entire life. It is simply to give the details somewhere safe to stay.
Over time, these pages might also help with the other remembrance exercises in the resource. A forgotten memory could inspire a letter. A list of favourite things could help you decide what belongs in a memory box. A particular moment could become the inspiration for a piece of artwork. A collection of small details could even help you create a memorial that feels unmistakably theirs.
The resource also recognises that remembrance exercises can be emotionally intense and that memories can bring both comfort and pain. So, this does not need to be a notebook you force yourself to use regularly. You can add to it when a memory comes and leaves it closed when remembering feels too difficult.
A Notebook Idea: Create a ‘Things I Never Want to Forget’ Page
Choose one page — or several pages — and give it the title:
Things I Never Want to Forget About You
Then, whenever a small memory returns, add it.
You might begin each entry with:
I never want to forget the way you…
I never want to forget how you always…
I never want to forget the sound of…
I never want to forget our routine of…
I never want to forget how it felt when…
There may be something especially comforting about knowing that you do not have to hold every detail in your mind all of the time. The notebook can hold some of them for you.
Pet bereavement can change from one day to the next. Something that felt unbearable a week ago might feel slightly different today. A coping skill that once helped might stop working. A particular time of day might suddenly become more difficult. You might notice that you are beginning to enjoy something again — and then feel guilty for it.
Because grief is constantly moving, it can be difficult to notice what is changing while you are living through it.
The Pet Bereavement Action Plan (PBAP) encourages you to explore your thoughts, feelings, behaviours and coping mechanisms before identifying practical actions, support, routines, crisis strategies and personal goals. Your notebook can support this by becoming somewhere to regularly check in with yourself between completing or revisiting different parts of your Plan.
You could occasionally write down:
What am I thinking about most at the moment?
What emotion has been strongest lately?
What has been especially difficult?
What has helped, even slightly?
Is anything making my grief harder to cope with?
Have I noticed any changes in my sleep, appetite or routine?
Who has felt supportive?
Is there anything I need more help with?
What do I need today that I did not need last week?
What is one small thing I want to do next?
You do not have to answer every question each time. Your check-in might be a full page one week and three words the next.
The purpose is not to measure how well you are grieving or to prove that you are making progress. It is to help you notice yourself.
Over time, your notebook might begin to reveal patterns. Perhaps evenings are consistently the hardest. Maybe certain dates, places or reminders affect you more than you realised. You might discover that one person always leaves you feeling more supported, or that a particular coping strategy helps more than you initially thought.
You might also notice changes that are easy to miss. Perhaps you are sleeping a little better. Perhaps a memory that once brought only pain has made you smile. Perhaps you asked someone for help when previously you would have stayed silent.
The PBAP itself recognises that grief journeys shift and that needs can change, recommending that the Plan is revisited and updated. Your notebook can become the space between those bigger reviews — somewhere to capture what is happening as it happens.
A Notebook Idea: Create a ‘Then and Now’ Page
Every few weeks, divide a page into two sections:
THEN
What was hardest?
What was I thinking and feeling?
What was I struggling to cope with?
What did I need?
NOW
What is hardest now?
What am I thinking and feeling?
What is helping me cope?
What do I need now?
There does not have to be a dramatic difference between the two sides. Sometimes the most important thing you notice will not be that things are better, but simply that they are different.
Grief can feel like everything and nothing at the same time.
You might know that you are struggling but not know exactly what you are feeling. You might cry without knowing why. You might feel angry and then guilty for being angry. You might be exhausted, unable to concentrate, constantly replaying what happened, or wondering why you are not reacting in the way you thought you would.
Sometimes, understanding grief begins with simply trying to name it.
The Understanding Your Grief guide explores the many different ways pet bereavement can affect us. Grief might show itself emotionally through sadness, guilt, anger, numbness, loneliness or relief. It might affect your body through exhaustion, changes in appetite or difficulty sleeping. It can change the way you think, behave, connect with others and even the way you understand life, loss and meaning.
Your notebook can become somewhere to notice these different parts of your grief and put words around them.
You could begin a page with:
Today, my grief feels like...
Then write whatever comes next.
Perhaps:
heavy
angry
quiet
confusing
lonely
unfair
frightening
numb
exhausting
full of guilt
full of love
You do not have to find the perfect word. You can write several. You can cross them out. You can write, “I don’t know.”
That is still an answer.
You could then ask yourself:
Where do I notice this grief most — in my thoughts, feelings, body or behaviour?
What seems to have brought this feeling to the surface today?
What thoughts are coming with it?
Is there something I keep replaying or questioning?
What do I wish somebody understood about how I feel?
What does this part of my grief need from me today?
The guide also explains that the circumstances of a pet’s death can affect the grief that follows. Euthanasia, a sudden medical death, an accident, a traumatic loss and a long period of illness or decline can each leave behind different questions, emotions and experiences.
So, you might also write:
The part of my pet’s death I am struggling with most is...
You might discover that what you had been calling sadness is also guilt. What felt like anger might be helplessness. What you thought was not coping might actually be exhaustion, anxiety or the loss of the routine and purpose your pet gave you.
The aim is not to analyse every feeling or force yourself to understand your grief completely.
It is simply to become a little more curious about what is happening inside you.
Because sometimes, when grief feels enormous and impossible to hold, giving one small part of it a name can make it feel a little less unknown.
A Notebook Idea: Create a ‘Grief Dictionary’
Give each feeling or experience its own page.
At the top, write a word such as:
GUILT
ANGER
LONELINESS
RELIEF
NUMBNESS
YEARNING
Underneath, write:
What this feels like for me:
When I notice it most:
What thoughts come with it:
What seems to make it stronger:
What helps me carry it:
Your dictionary does not need to be completed all at once. Add to it whenever you recognise something new about your grief.
When you are grieving, one of the hardest questions can be:
What would help me right now?
Sometimes, you might know that you are struggling but have no idea what to do about it. You might be too exhausted to think of something that could help. You might forget the things that have helped before. Or you might try something that usually comforts you and find that, today, it does not.
This is where your notebook can become a personal menu of possibilities.
The Wellbeing Activity Guide explores three different areas of wellbeing: Movement & Nature, Self-Care, and Community & Connection. It includes activities such as taking a gentle memory walk, creating a nature-based reflection spot, planting something in memory of your pet, developing a daily ritual, caring for your body, sharing a memory and connecting with people who understand pet loss.
Use three pages of your notebook and give each one a title:
Movement & Nature
Write down small things that might help you reconnect with your body or the world around you.
For example:
stand outside for five minutes*
open a window and feel the fresh air*
take a slow walk*
visit somewhere peaceful*
stretch*
sit in the garden*
notice five things in nature*
walk somewhere that reminds me of my pet*
Self-Care
Write down ways you can offer yourself care when grief is taking a toll on you.
For example:
have a shower*
drink a glass of water*
make something easy to eat*
change into comfortable clothes*
light a candle*
rest without feeling I have to be productive*
look at a favourite photo*
do one small thing that makes today easier*
Community & Connection
Write down the people, places and actions that might help you feel less alone.
For example:
message someone I trust*
tell somebody a memory about my pet*
spend time with someone without talking about grief*
visit an online pet loss community*
ask somebody to sit with me*
do something kind in my pet’s memory*
reach out for professional support*
Then, when you are having a difficult moment, open your notebook and ask:
What kind of help do I need right now?
Do I need to move?
Do I need to rest?
Do I need to connect?
Do I need to remember?
Do I need to be comforted?
Do I need to be distracted?
You do not have to choose the thing that will make everything better.
Just choose one thing that might make the next ten minutes a little easier.
A Notebook Idea: Rate What Actually Helps
Beside each activity on your menu, leave space to make a small note after you try it:
What I tried:
How I felt before:
How I felt afterwards:
Would I try it again?
Over time, your notebook will become more than a list of generic wellbeing advice.
It will become a record of your wellbeing.
You might discover that going for a walk helps when you feel restless, but not when you feel exhausted. You might notice that looking at photographs comforts you on some days and overwhelms you on others. You might realise that you need connection when you feel lonely, but quiet when you feel overstimulated.
There is no single activity that will help every person, every feeling or every day.
The aim is not to build a perfect self-care routine.
It is to make it a little easier to answer the question:
What might help me right now?
The PBAP is designed to be person-centred, collaborative and flexible. The guide encourages professionals to move at the bereaved person’s pace, use gentle open-ended questions, support emotional regulation, recognise strengths, respond sensitively to reluctance and revisit the plan as grief changes. It also emphasises that professionals should reflect on their own reactions and wellbeing after emotionally demanding sessions.
Your notebook can become a personal PBAP Practice Toolkit: somewhere to collect the prompts, approaches and reflections that help you support bereaved pet owners more confidently.
You could divide your notebook into four sections:
Questions That Open Conversation
Write down gentle, open-ended questions that can help someone explore their experience without feeling interrogated or rushed.
For example:
What has felt hardest lately?
How would you describe your pet’s role in your life?
What thoughts seem to come up most often?
Are there parts of daily life that feel harder now?
What already helps, even in a small way?
What comes up for you when you think about the future?
Add to this list whenever you find a question that helps someone express something they had been struggling to put into words.
What I Notice
Create a space to record the kinds of signs that may tell you a person needs a different approach.
These might include:
becoming quieter or more withdrawn*
struggling to concentrate*
becoming visibly distressed*
repeatedly criticising themselves*
finding a question too broad or overwhelming*
showing reluctance around a particular topic*
becoming focused on giving the ‘right’ answer*
Alongside each observation, write down possible ways you could respond: slowing the pace, breaking a question into smaller parts, offering a pause, moving to a different section, using grounding or reminding the person that they do not have to answer.
What Helps
Keep a growing record of approaches that seem to support the people you work with.
For example:
beginning with factual questions about the pet before moving into grief*
offering bullet points instead of full sentences*
asking someone to describe rather than judge their experience*
exploring coping strategies they already use before suggesting new ones*
turning broad goals into one small, realistic action*
reminding someone that the PBAP can change over time*
The aim is not to create a rigid script. It is to notice which approaches help you work in a way that remains flexible, collaborative and responsive.
My Reflective Practice
After supporting someone with a PBAP, use your notebook to reflect on your own practice.
You might ask yourself:
What seemed to help the person feel safe enough to talk?
Where did I notice a change in their emotions or engagement?
Did I move at their pace?
Was there a moment when I felt tempted to direct rather than collaborate?
Did I notice any reluctance, and how did I respond?
What would I do differently next time?
What did I do well?
Has anything from the session stayed with me?
Do I need supervision, debriefing or additional support?
Keep these reflections focused on your practice and learning, rather than recording identifiable or confidential details about the person you supported.
Over time, your notebook can become a personalised record of what you are learning about supporting pet bereavement. You may begin to notice patterns in the questions that encourage conversation, the moments when people need more choice or space, and the approaches that help you remain both compassionate and professionally grounded.
The aim is not to create the ‘perfect’ way to support someone through a PBAP.
It is to keep developing a practice that is curious, reflective, flexible and person-centred.
The guide covers communication before, during and after a pet’s death, as well as disenfranchised grief, core communication principles, listening skills, different ages, workplace grief, cultural and religious considerations, crisis communication, helpful phrases and phrases to avoid. A notebook can help a professional turn all this guidance into language they can actually draw on in difficult, emotionally charged conversations.
Your notebook can become a personal Grief Communication Phrasebook: somewhere to collect, practise and reflect on the words you use when supporting a bereaved pet owner.
You could divide your notebook into four sections:
Words for Different Moments
Create separate pages for the different stages of pet bereavement:
Before a death
During end-of-life care or euthanasia
Immediately after a death
In the weeks and months that follow
During a crisis
Under each heading, write down phrases you could use in that particular moment. The guide highlights how communication needs change throughout the experience: before a death, someone may need clear information and a sense of control; during end-of-life care, they may need predictability and choices; afterwards, they may need validation, acknowledgement and simple next-step information.
Your notebook might include phrases such as:
Would it be okay if I explain what we’re seeing?
Would you like more detail or less?
Can I pause here?
There is no right or wrong choice about whether you are present.
They were clearly a very important part of your life.
You do not have to make every decision right now.
The aim is not to memorise a script. It is to build confidence in finding compassionate words when a conversation is difficult.
Questions That Give Choice
The guide repeatedly emphasises avoiding assumptions and respecting privacy, boundaries, culture, individual coping styles and personal preferences.
Use a section of your notebook to collect questions that help you remain curious rather than assume.
For example:
What would feel most helpful right now?
Would you like to talk about them?
Would you prefer more information, or would you like some time first?
Is there anything meaningful you would like us to do?
Would you like someone to stay with you?
Are there any cultural, religious or personal wishes you would like us to be aware of?
You could also reflect on situations where you caught yourself making an assumption. What did you assume? What could you ask next time instead?
Phrases to Replace
Create two columns in your notebook:
What I Might Instinctively Say | What I Could Say Instead
For example:
At least they’re no longer suffering → I’m so sorry. I know how much they meant to you.
You did the right thing → I can hear how much thought and love went into that decision.
Try not to blame yourself → It sounds as though you’re carrying a lot of guilt.
You can get another pet → The relationship you had with them was unique.
I know how you feel → I can’t know exactly what this is like for you, but I’m here to listen.
Add to these pages whenever you notice a phrase that may unintentionally minimise, reassure too quickly or move someone away from what they are feeling.
My Communication Reflections
After a difficult or significant conversation, use your notebook to reflect on your communication.
You might ask yourself:
Did I listen more than I spoke?
Did I acknowledge the importance of the pet and the relationship?
Did I give information in manageable amounts?
Did I allow silence?
Did I offer choices rather than make assumptions?
Did I try to fix an emotion that simply needed to be heard?
Was there a phrase that seemed particularly helpful?
Was there anything I said that I would phrase differently next time?
Did the person seem to need something I did not feel confident providing?
What can I learn from this conversation?
Keep reflections focused on your communication and professional development, rather than recording identifiable or confidential details about the person.
Over time, your notebook can become a highly practical communication resource. You may begin to notice which words create space, which questions restore choice, which phrases unintentionally close conversations down, and where you personally feel least confident.
The goal is not to find the perfect thing to say.
It is to become more thoughtful about how your words, questions, silences and responses can help someone feel heard, respected and less alone.
Pet grief can affect emotions, thoughts, the body, behaviour, relationships, routines, identity and mental health. The pack also explores how different types of death can affect grief differently, why the bond with a pet can be so significant, the five stages of grief, and experiences including depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction.
A notebook can help you create a personal map of your grief: not to track whether you are grieving ‘correctly’, but to understand what your own experience looks like.
You could divide a page into six sections:
What I’m Feeling
Write down the emotions that have been showing up for you. These might include sadness, guilt, anger, shock, numbness, loneliness, relief, yearning or anxiety.
Try not to judge, explain or correct them. Simply notice them.
You could begin with:
Today, the strongest feeling is…
The feeling I find hardest to admit is…
An emotion that surprised me was…
I seem to feel this most strongly when…
What I’m Thinking
Grief can affect concentration and memory, and it can bring intrusive memories, disbelief, searching behaviours and repeated thoughts about decisions or events.
Write down the thoughts that keep returning.
You might notice:
If only…
What if…
I should have…
I keep expecting…
I can’t stop thinking about…
The aim is not to solve every thought. Sometimes seeing a thought on paper helps you recognise how often it appears and what tends to trigger it.
What My Body Is Telling Me
Grief is not only emotional. It can affect sleep, appetite, energy and the way your body feels.
Make a simple body check-in:
My energy today is…
My sleep has been…
My appetite has been…
I am holding tension in…
My body seems to need…
Over time, you may begin to notice patterns—for example, that certain dates, memories or situations affect your sleep or leave you particularly exhausted.
What Has Changed
The pack explains how deeply pets can shape daily life through companionship, routines, purpose, identity, emotional support and a sense of stability. Their death can therefore leave many different absences, not just one.
Complete the following:
The part of my day that feels most different is…
The routine I miss most is…
The quietest part of the house is…
Something I didn’t realise I depended on them for was…
A part of myself that feels different now is…
This can help you understand why grief may appear in places you did not expect.
Where I Am Today
The pack explores denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, while recognising that grief does not move neatly through these stages in order.
Rather than asking, 'which stage should I be in?' ask:
What does my grief feel like today?
You might write:
Today, the loss doesn’t feel real.
Today, I feel angry.
Today, I keep thinking “if only”.
Today, everything feels empty.
Today, I remembered them and smiled.
Today, I felt several of these things at once.
Your map can change from day to day. That is the point.
What I Need
Finish each entry by identifying what might help you through the next few hours or the rest of the day.
Right now, I need…
One thing I can make easier for myself is…
Someone I could contact is…
One basic need I should pay attention to is…
One way I can feel connected to my pet today is…
Over time, your notebook becomes a record of how your grief moves and changes. You may notice recurring triggers, feelings that are becoming less intense, new emotions appearing, routines that remain particularly painful, or moments when memories begin to bring comfort alongside sadness.
The goal is not to create a straight line from grief to recovery.
It is to help you understand where you are, what you are carrying and what you might need today.
Pet bereavement can affect far more than emotions. It can affect sleep, appetite, daily functioning, relationships, coping behaviours, mental health and a person’s ability to feel safe. The resource highlights risk factors including hopelessness, intense guilt, isolation, difficulty functioning, increased substance use and the impact of previous mental health difficulties or trauma. It also stresses that some signs need more urgent support.
A notebook can help you notice what is happening, identify when you may be struggling more than usual, and record the people, services and actions you can turn to.
You could divide several pages into the following sections:
My Personal Signs That I’m Struggling
Think about what changes when things become more difficult for you.
You might notice changes in:
Your sleep or appetite
Your personal care
Your ability to complete everyday tasks
How much you withdraw from other people
Your use of alcohol, substances or other potentially harmful coping methods
Feelings of hopelessness or being unable to cope
Guilt, self-blame or repeatedly replaying what happened
Thoughts about harming yourself, joining your pet or not wanting to be here
Complete:
One of the first signs that I’m struggling is…
Other people might notice that I…
When things are getting worse, I tend to stop…
A thought that tells me I need more support is…
The aim is not to judge or diagnose yourself. It is to recognise your own warning signs earlier.
What Can Make My Grief Harder
The resource explains that grief can be intensified by the circumstances of a pet’s death, the role they played in your life, social isolation, previous losses, trauma, financial pressures and other major life stressors.
Write down anything that may be adding extra weight to your grief:
The hardest part of how my pet died is…
Since losing them, I have also lost…
The support or routine I lost with my pet was…
Something from my past that this loss has brought back is…
Another stress I am dealing with at the same time is…
This can help you see that you may be carrying more than one thing.
My Support Levels
Create three sections:
When I’m Struggling but Coping
Write down the things that can help you manage difficult moments, such as contacting someone you trust, using a coping skill, eating something, resting, leaving the house or spending time with another pet.
When I Need More Support
Record the signs that mean your usual coping strategies are no longer enough. This might include becoming increasingly isolated, neglecting yourself, feeling unable to manage daily life or experiencing severe and persistent distress.
Write down who you could contact at this point, such as a GP, counsellor, mental health professional or pet bereavement support service.
When I Need Urgent Help
The resource identifies thoughts of suicide or self-harm, wanting to join your pet, being unable to keep yourself safe and severe difficulty caring for yourself as signs requiring urgent action.
Write down, in advance:
The signs that mean I need urgent help are…
The first person or service I will contact is…
If I cannot keep myself safe, I will…
Writing this while you are able to think more clearly can make it easier to know what to do during a crisis.
My Support Directory
The resource separates support into crisis support, professional mental health support, pet bereavement-specific support and practical support.
Create your own version with space for:
People I trust
My GP or mental health team
Crisis support
Pet bereavement support
Practical or financial support
Community or social support
Include names, phone numbers, opening hours and anything that would make contacting them easier.
What Helps Me Feel Safer
Finish by creating a page you can return to on especially difficult days.
Complete:
One person who helps me feel less alone is…
One place where I feel safer is…
One reason to get through the next hour is…
One thing that can reduce the intensity of this moment is…
If I cannot keep myself safe, I will contact…
Your notebook cannot replace professional or crisis support, but it can help you recognise changes, communicate what is happening and remember where to turn when thinking clearly feels difficult.
Pet loss can be traumatic as well as deeply painful. The guidance explains that bereavement can bring intrusive memories, panic, numbness, dissociation, difficulty sleeping and a sense of unreality—particularly after a sudden or distressing death, witnessing suffering, difficult end-of-life decisions or when previous trauma is reactivated. It also places safety at the heart of trauma-informed care and introduces DBT skills for staying grounded through intense moments.
Your notebook can become somewhere that helps you understand what makes you feel less safe, what helps you feel more grounded and what you need when grief becomes overwhelming.
You could create the following pages:
What Makes Me Feel Less Safe
Trauma can make reminders feel as though the loss is happening all over again. Write down the situations, places, memories or sensations that tend to overwhelm you.
Complete:
I feel most overwhelmed when…
A memory I find difficult is…
A sound, sight, place or sensation that can trigger me is…
When I feel unsafe or overwhelmed, I notice…
You might notice panic, numbness, intrusive memories, feeling unreal, wanting to escape or physical sensations such as a tight chest.
What Helps Me Feel Grounded
The guidance emphasises creating physical and emotional safety and using grounding, mindfulness and distress-tolerance strategies during intense moments.
Create a page of things that help bring you back to the present:
Something I can see that reminds me where I am…
A sound that helps me feel calmer…
A texture I find comforting…
A scent that helps me feel grounded…
A place where I feel safer…
A person whose presence helps me feel less alone…
My Soothing Toolkit
Because pets are often a major source of comfort, their death can remove one of the very things that previously helped us regulate distress. The guidance suggests identifying sensory alternatives involving warmth, scent, touch and sound.
Design your own toolkit in your notebook. Include comforting objects, music, photographs, blankets, grounding exercises, safe distractions and anything else that can help you survive a particularly painful moment.
What I Need From Other People
Trauma-informed care is built around safety, trust, choice, collaboration and empowerment. Use your notebook to work out what support actually feels helpful to you.
Complete:
When I am distressed, it helps when people…
Please do not…
I need people to understand that…
If I cannot find the words, you can help me by…
I feel more in control when I am given the choice to…
You could share this page with someone you trust if explaining your needs aloud feels difficult.
What Happened, What I Feel and What I Need Now
Divide a page into three sections:
What happened: Write only what feels manageable about the experience.
What I feel: Name the emotions, thoughts and physical sensations that are present.
What I need now: Choose one small thing that could help you feel safer or more grounded in this moment.
This reflects the guidance’s use of mindfulness skills—observing and describing what is happening without becoming completely engulfed by it.
My ‘When a Wave Hits’ Page
Prepare this page before you need it.
Write:
When a wave of grief or trauma hits, I will first…
To remind myself that I am in the present, I will…
One grounding technique I can use is…
One person I can contact is…
One thing I do not need to decide right now is…
The next ten minutes can be about…
The purpose is not to make the grief disappear. It is to help you remain anchored while the intensity passes.
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